


the feelings that only the moon knows

by renard_rouge



Series: our secrets are shared by the moon [2]
Category: Smosh
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Denial of Feelings, Dorks in Love, F/F, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Pining, Realization, Requited Unrequited Love, Sleepiness, Sleeptalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:22:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23964574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renard_rouge/pseuds/renard_rouge
Summary: courtney and olivia had been video calling with each other for hours as they both missed each other so dearly in this quarantine, so much so that they even hit the time where the moon is fully in the night sky.as courtney begins to lull to sleep, olivia doesn't end the call immediately. instead, she just lets it goes on as she lets her thoughts run to whatever topic it could grasp into.mostly though, it was about the other person in the screen.
Relationships: Courtney Miller/Olivia Sui
Series: our secrets are shared by the moon [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727776
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	the feelings that only the moon knows

**Author's Note:**

> i just had an idea pop up in my head as youtube recommended me courtivia's instagram live. and well, there were shaymien video calls one-shots because of the quarantine, so i thought, why not have a courtivia one? enjoy! 
> 
> ps, you don't need to read the first part of the series to get this one, thought i'd make a connection to the both of them with the moon involved, just an added detail.

"hey court, you still there?"

"huh- yeah, i am!" courtney drowsily replied through the phone, yawning for a few seconds then flashing one of her signature dorky smiles at her.

olivia smiled, even if her best friend was obviously falling asleep, she still didn't hung up on their call. it made her heart flutter knowing that the blonde waited for her to be the one to hang up.

"you dork, you're falling asleep again on the call," olivia pointed out.

"ah, really? heh- not my fault your voice is so soothing."

olivia blushed at that comment, though she didn't try to fight it as she sees courtney is once again, falling back to sleep.

at this moment she probably would've already reminded courtney to go to her bedroom to sleep (so as to not have her wake up with stiff neck, as she'd always lounge around the couch when they called each other) and hung up the call. but at this video call, courtney was already on her bed, so she thought – why not break the routine for once?

it was cute really, seeing courtney so relaxed as she's sleeping, having a light smile on her face, probably the reason for it was the call they just had.

 _yeah, watching your best friend sleep is totally normal_. olivia thought, frowning. there's those thoughts once again.

she really doesn't know when she had these feelings, but her feelings were always there as long as she could remember being friends with the blonde. it just started as a small crush on courtney that turned even more than just that when they started working at smosh.

although, even with that, olivia always denied those fuzzy feelings for the blonde.

_i mean, she couldn't be gay, right?_

it wasn't that she was homophobic, well, _she just didn't want to be gay_. she feared that she'd be disowned by her mother, seeing as that china was still being conservative as ever even with some states being pro-lgbt. she couldn't bare the thought of losing her close relationship with her mother just because of a stupid sexual orientation.

but, try as she might, her feelings never seemed to fizzle away. even with having a couple of boyfriends from the past, hell even having one now, it still didn't make her forget to how deep the level of connection she feels with her best friend that could never be topped even with how many relationships she'd already have.

yeah, she loves sam. but sometimes, in her thoughts, she'd replace sam with _her_.

in dates, courtney's the one holding her hand, not him. in movie theaters, courtney's the one secretly kissing her, not him. or, if they get – ehem – intimate with each other, courtney's the one giving her pleasure, not him. it's shameful, she knows. but her thoughts always seemed to drift off to someone who she really truly loves, like a deeply rooted reminder on her mind that no one could ever replace _her_ in her heart.

to be honest, that was the exact reason why james law and her broke up. his ex-boyfriend somehow found out that she had feelings for courtney from just seeing the videos they're both in. she had to admit that it was impressive of him to notice, but judging as he's a photographer and how he would have known the feelings of what the pictures behold or what's its portraying, it's not a long shot to notice the body language she would give off to courtney from time to time.

"hey, liv..." courtney's voice made olivia jump, snapping out of her thoughts.

she cursed herself, her thumb coming close to the 'end call' button, but she stopped as she realized that courtney was still asleep as her eyes were still closed shut.

 _she must've been sleep talking...wait..._ her interest piqued as she thought of an idea to listen to her sleep talk. this was probably wrong, as it was kind of an invasion of one's privacy, but she couldn't help but be curious of what her best friend thinks of her when she's sleeping.

"liv...i love you...so much..." olivia's heart skipped a beat after hearing those words.

 _no, she couldn't. she probably meant it as a friend._ a thought popping up, her logical side once again showing up, making her frown.

"no...you don't understand...i love you so much...maybe more than your boy toy..." her heart was now pounding, did she read her thoughts? no, that couldn't be possible.

"i hate it really...that you're with sam...when you could be...with me..." courtney murmured, a slight frown etching on her face as seen through the video call.

it made olivia's heart sting that she was the reason for that frown on her face.

she wanted to shout through the phone that she loves her just as much, no- she wanted to shout for the whole world that she's in love with the most beautiful human being she could ever imagine and flaunt her to everyone so that they could see how she's so amazing that she couldn't believe that she's her best friend, let alone to actually have the miracle that her feelings may be returned.

but she couldn't, because she was _afraid_.

she lightly scoffed at herself. it was pathetic that she couldn't even fight for her, even when she's now practically confessing her love to her.

 _except she's not, she's asleep, you creep._ olivia's eyes widened at the realization, making her hastily press the 'end call' button which finally ended their long-running video call.

she almost got sick at the thought at what she'd done. she watched her friend sleep and listened to her sleep talk, and now she knows a secret about courtney that she probably didn't intend on sharing to anybody. shame and regret filled her as she had the sudden urge to vomit, but she pushed it in, not wanting for sam to wake up as he was a light sleeper.

as she tried to recompose herself, her eyes went directly to the moon as it had a perfect view of it on the window of her shared apartment with sam, it's light giving her comfort and her negative emotions seeming to wash away the longer she stared at it.

the moon always reminded her of the blonde. she was the comforting light that would brighten her up even the darkest of her days, the one who only seems to understand even if she didn't need to elaborate any further, and the one that always seemed to be there when nobody seems to be at her side.

and with that thought she finally got her composure back, although a tinge of shame was still there.

she needed to lock that secret away from the depths of her subconscious so as to not break their friendship. she gave back the same feelings, but she's not sure if she's ready for that yet.

she doesn't know how the others would react if she'd break up with sam only to be immediately be with courtney, it would seem too fishy to their friends, the fastness of the relationship would paint olivia cheating on sam with courtney.

plus with the added thought of her not wanting to be gay, that was another obstacle she needed to face if she wanted to be with courtney.

for now, she could just dwell in on her feelings. somehow, with the thought of her love being reciprocated, it calmed her. it made her think that maybe it will all work out in the end. although, for that to happen, she should really come clean to sam as a first step and slowly accept that she's maybe bisexual...now that she thinks of it.

she sighed as she realized the challenges she would face, but relief washed over her as she had a feeling of sureness that it was worth it, as though the universe was finally giving her the sign that she begged to see from the moment she fell in love with the blonde, the sign that said that she could be with her.

her gaze went back on her phone – even though the call had already ended – she replied, as if the other line was still there; waiting for her reply,

"i love you too, courtney."


End file.
